Custom allocators as alternatives to vector of smart pointers?

This question is about owning pointers, consuming pointers, smart pointers, vectors, and allocators.

I am a little bit lost on my thoughts about code architecture. Furthermore, if this question has already an answer somewhere, 1. sorry, but I haven't found a satisfying answer so far and 2. please point me to it.

My problem is the following:

I have several "things" stored in a vector and several "consumers" of those "things". So, my first try was like follows:

std::vector<thing> i_am_the_owner_of_things;
thing* get_thing_for_consumer() {
    // some thing-selection logic
    return &i_am_the_owner_of_things[5]; // 5 is just an example
}

...

// somewhere else in the code:
class consumer {
    consumer() {
       m_thing = get_thing_for_consumer();
    }

    thing* m_thing;
};

In my application, this would be safe because the "things" outlive the "consumers" in any case. However, more "things" can be added during runtime and that can become a problem because if the std::vector<thing> i_am_the_owner_of_things; gets reallocated, all the thing* m_thing pointers become invalid.

A fix to this scenario would be to store unique pointers to "things" instead of "things" directly, i.e. like follows:

std::vector<std::unique_ptr<thing>> i_am_the_owner_of_things;
thing* get_thing_for_consumer() {
    // some thing-selection logic
    return i_am_the_owner_of_things[5].get(); // 5 is just an example
}

...

// somewhere else in the code:
class consumer {
    consumer() {
       m_thing = get_thing_for_consumer();
    }

    thing* m_thing;
};

The downside here is that memory coherency between "things" is lost. Can this memory coherency be re-established by using custom allocators somehow? I am thinking of something like an allocator which would always allocate memory for, e.g., 10 elements at a time and whenever required, adds more 10-elements-sized chunks of memory.

Example:
initially:
v = ☐☐☐☐☐☐☐☐☐☐
more elements:
v = ☐☐☐☐☐☐☐☐☐☐ 🡒 ☐☐☐☐☐☐☐☐☐☐
and again:
v = ☐☐☐☐☐☐☐☐☐☐ 🡒 ☐☐☐☐☐☐☐☐☐☐ 🡒 ☐☐☐☐☐☐☐☐☐☐

Using such an allocator, I wouldn't even have to use std::unique_ptrs of "things" because at reallocation time, the memory addresses of the already existing elements would not change.

As alternatives, I can only think of referencing the "thing" in "consumer" via a std::shared_ptr<thing> m_thing, as opposed to the current thing* m_thing but that seems like the worst approach to me, because a "thing" shall not own a "consumer" and with shared pointers I would create shared ownership.

So, is the allocator-approach a good one? And if so, how can it be done? Do I have to implement the allocator by myself or is there an existing one?